1. I’m borrowing C.J. Redwine‘s list format because sometimes there’s just no better way to organize random bits of information.
2. I watch too much HGTV.
3. Up until this point, I saw no harm in watching house-shopping shows. It’s not like I’m in any danger of being tempted to buy a house (being both broke and opposed to long-term commitment as I am).
4. Then I saw it.
5. MY house.
6. It was old. It had character. Crown moldings. Tall baseboards. Hardwood floors throughout. It looked really well taken care of despite its age, and it was even-I-could-afford-that cheap because it was located somewhere with a low cost of living.
7. Unlike, say, Portland, where you apparently can’t live in a cardboard box on the side of the road for less than $300,000.
8. Ooh, I wanted it so bad.
9. And the 24-year-old princess on the show said it was a DUMP.
10. A DUMP.
11. Now, I have some familiarity with dumps, having dwelled in several during the past few years.
12. That house was no dump.
13. Ooh, I got so mad on behalf of my house.
14. At the end of the show, 24-year-old princess decided she couldn’t afford the kind of palace she deserved, so she was going to keep living with her mommy.
15. I jeered and high-fived that house through the television.
16. Now there’s a handprint in the dust on my TV screen.
17. I am not a terrible housekeeper. I am a conservationist and humanitarian.
18. The protective layer of dust shields my belongings from harmful UV rays and minimizes danger to bystanders by filtering the harmful radiation emitted by electronics.
19. In business news, as of the evening of February 24, 2010, Beyond the Darkening has gone double-Saran Wrap on the Kindle.
20. That is, 2000 copies sold.
21. Yes, I do realize this hardly makes me Nora Roberts, but for an unknown entity with no publisher support who puts zero effort into marketing, in 9 months, it ain’t too shabby.
22. My horn, I toot it.
23. I’m told I should have access to numbers from the other major vendor “soon.”
24. I know what “soon” means.
25. “Soon” means “I don’t know, whenever.”
26. As in “The Nights Before Christmas should be available soon.”
27. Just a little bit of smut and the Dramatic Final Chapter to finish, and I know how that goes, so being stumped isn’t the problem.
28. The problem is TIME, of which I have so very little to spare, thank you very much, double day jobs.
29. But it is on The Agenda.
30. And then other things will be addressed. Big, cool, fun, and exciting things.
31. SOON.
# 18 is Teh Awesome
And WOOOOOOOOT! on selling over 2000 copies! That’s an incredible accomplishment and I’m celebrating your first big milestone with you. So proud of you.
I celebrated by having a brownie with mint-chip ice cream on it. Because nothing says “CONGRATULATIONS!” like an extra inch of fat on the booty.
I approve.