I have been asked (told, actually) to put a “warning label” on my vampire-pirate serial so my unsuspecting victims can be forewarned that it’s “not realistic.”
Allow me to express my reaction via the following emoticon montage.
Um, I have to call a “personal responsibility” foul on this one, folks. Anyone expecting REALISM from something titled Pirpires of the Cacaobean: Curse of the Peanut Butter Cup has issues expectations for which I refuse to accept blame.
However, if someone more civic-minded than I were to compose such a warning for the grasp-of-the-obvious-impaired in the comments, I might scrape together a new divorced-from-reality installment or two sometime this week with a much clearer conscience…
(Just to clarify: I fully support anyone’s right to flat-out hate what I write, for any reason. It’s the demand involved in this one to which I object.)
June 14th, 2010 at 12:17 PM
Are you serious??? . . . . IT’S NOT REAL???????
LOL, the idiots are out there (i.e. the attorneys that make these silly things happen!)
June 14th, 2010 at 12:21 PM
Okay. . . I’ll be nice! . . . REALLY?? Who is “telling” you to do this?
June 14th, 2010 at 5:20 PM
Oh, good grief. [eyeroll] With some people it’s really clear that even their issues have issues. :/
Angie
June 15th, 2010 at 3:39 AM
Dang it I was this close to taking sailing lesons just so I could be captured by Malcom. Guess I’m SOL
June 15th, 2010 at 11:03 AM
NO WAY!!!! That’s just…astonishing.
How could anybody possibly expect realism from anything in the paranormal genre (whether funny or not)?
June 16th, 2010 at 9:48 AM
As incomprehensible as I find it, there ARE people who read that way, so focused on minutiae, they will put a book down to go check the accuracy of the history, period details, and geography. They LIKE doing it, and if that’s how they choose to interact with stories, awesome.
It becomes less awesome when they feel compelled to say, “Write to my specifications or warn me you don’t share my obsession with irrelevant details.” So they don’t waste money on a FREE story? Which they apparently are unable to stop reading once it becomes apparent it’s not their thing?
And come to think of it, if she got the download version, there IS a disclaimer to that effect in the Author’s Note:
“In case it isn’t obvious from the overwrought title, this is a farce, written in homage to those glorious Eighties historical romances I grew up reading, in which heroines were overwhelmingly feisty redheads, heroes were insensitive bullies who always knew best, and bodices were frequently ripped in the heat of passion.
In keeping with the spirit of the era, I’ve done as much research as my favorite historical authors of the Eighties (none) and have demonstrated an equal amount of attention to historical accuracy (zilch), as trivial details like stemware and trade routes are of zero significance to this tale of antagonism, intrigue, desire, and candy.
For those with a yen for the fun and frivolous yarns of yesteryear with a paranormal twist, I present to you the first five chapters in the ongoing adventures of fanged swashbuckler Malcolm Maximilian Marrs and confectionery heiress Reese Hershey, in which girls dress like boys, pirates mostly behave like gentlemen, and a cacao bean suffers a horrifying ordeal.”
But as far as “you’ve got to be kidding me” emails go, this one at least fell slightly on the amusing side of the spectrum.
June 16th, 2010 at 10:05 AM
Wait. . . So does this mean you’ll feel okay writing again???
. . . Now that you have your disclaimer (which was there the whole time!!)?!? 
YEY!!! 
I’ll be right here waiting!!
Woohoo!!
June 16th, 2010 at 10:19 AM
I have an installment almost ready (scribbled in my notebook, pending typing and a quick edit), and I’ll definitely post that sometime this week. If it’s not up by Saturday night, it will be because I’m in jail or something equally restrictive. And I actually have most of the next one, too, so maybe another next week. Don’t get used to that frequency, though. There are often months between.
I use the serials to unstick the gears when I feel less than okay about writing the stuff that matters. If I give myself permission to be silly and not-good with these, it takes some of the weight off the “serious” projects.
June 16th, 2010 at 10:51 AM
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
Just want to let you know how much we appreciate your writing and the fact that you share it with us. . . You are among the top on my “Favorite Writers” list (not just saying that! PROMISE!)
Thank you and may your imagination flow (and your fingers keep up! XD)
June 16th, 2010 at 6:50 PM
*Kusko style* Oh yeah, oh yeah…..oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
. *Bumblebee* I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it I’m about to lose control and I think I like it. ooh whoo. 
. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
KERRY YOU ROCK!!!!!!!
And as Sis said may you creativity flow and your fingers keep up
@Hunny’s Sis- OMG I know exatcly what you mean. She’s deffinetly in my top five
.
I don’t know how your gonna take this but I gotta confess that I’ve been in waaaaaaaaaaaaay more agony at the wait for another chapter in Pirpires than the wait for Mockingjay.
I’m not even good about checking my email unless I´m expecting something good, you know this for a fact but I make sure to check out this page every day to see if there’s anything new .
You could imagine my excitement when I saw the “coming soon” announcement in the “Serial Index” last night and I just about keeled over with pure joy when I saw this ^^^^. Happy dance to the oomph power
June 16th, 2010 at 11:07 PM
@Hunny You do know that as soon as you read it you’ll have to wait again, right?
vvvvvvv you after finishing part 7
LOL
June 17th, 2010 at 6:21 PM
@Hunny’s Sis
.
*raspberry* You’re a mean, mean person.
I still lobes you though
June 28th, 2010 at 3:12 PM
I began my obsession with books in the illustrious eighties when the swashbuckling bodice-rippers were popular, at least I think they were popular, so when I started Pirpires I was absolutely entranced. A pirate vampire, who’d a thought. Well you did obviously, but I what really want to say is: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE write some more! I donated to the 10 minutes to write thing, does that help? Until then, I plan on stalking you, online anyway.
June 28th, 2010 at 3:16 PM
One visit to a vampire whorehouse, coming up…
June 28th, 2010 at 8:05 PM