Kerry Allen

Person Who Is Now On My List: You know, if you’re going with the genie theme, you really ought to make your blog more genie-like.

Me: Yeah, but that means screwing with the template. I had to screw with the template for a month just to make the damn thing functional. I’m kind of scared to screw with the template anymore. Last time I screwed with the template, all the white disappeared, and the whole blog was black text on a 95% gray background. I’m through screwing with the template.

PWINOML: But I found this cool graphic of a lamp for you.

(It is kind of cool. Watercolor or something, shades of pinks and blues and purples.)

Me: Meh. Needs to be about 600 pixels wider.

PWINOML: Come on. You can do something in Photoshop. Blotch some colors together, smear them around, do some kind of texture thingy.

Me: You know how I am with Photoshop. Last time I opened it up, I spent 19 days making a comic strip about my freakin’ romance novel.

PWINOML: But that’ll be a cute extra to offer your squeeing fangrrls when you’re famous. Plus, it’s funny as hell. (Plunks down in front of Me’s computer and gets fresh with the mouse. Photoshop awakens like the soul-sucking monster it is.) Did you ever finish coloring that?

Me: The base colors. I need shadows and highlights. I never do those right.

PWINOML: You know, since you’re a professional artist, people expect better of you.

Me: Shut up. You are so on my list.

PWINOML: Look, we’ll find some kind of genie-looking font and… God damn, how many fonts do you have?

Me: All of them.

(Six hours later…)

PWINOML: Okay, that font from four hours ago totally represented.

Me: What are you, a valley girl gangbanger? “It, like, totally represented, fer sure, yo.”

PWINOML: Get off my dick, homes.

(Twenty minutes of hysterical laughter, as PWINOML lacks male genitalia, and we can’t stop reenacting memorable moments from the BDB and various video games and Resident Evil movies, all of which we have watched this week because we both have a girl crush on Milla Jojovich)

PWINOML: (Taking advantage of Me being weak with laughter and pulling some stealthy ninja move that seamlessly shifts me into her place in front of the computer) Okay, get to work.

Me: Yeah. (sigh) See you in a month.

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So, at some indefinite point in the future, the blog will either get a makeover or explode.

Or be overrun by zombies that should have starved months ago from lack of human flesh to feast upon.

You never know around here…