Nov 18 2007
Piss and Moan Syndrome
I’ve written myself into a corner. My transition to my Big Kidnapping Scene cleverly left the Kid elsewhere, which I realized only after I was three-quarters through the Big Kidnapping Scene (wherein the Villain shakes his fist and shouts at the Stupid Writer for twenty minutes for screwing up his first personal appearance), and good luck to the moron who tries napping her from that babysitter’s care.
Zombie Pinky sez, “This is your Muse’s way of telling you an abduction is unnecessary.”
No, this is my Muse’s way of telling me she’d rather be playing Assassin’s Creed. The Kid escaped completely unscathed last time. She must be at least mildly scathed this time in order to Escalate the Tension, and she must be increasingly scathed at each subsequent encounter so that by the time she becomes the Woman, she is accustomed to living in Peril. It’s all in the Master Plan. See Section 12, Paragraph 22.
My problem is, my Good Guys aren’t incompetent enough. They are prepared for Bad Things to happen. Security around the Kid is too good. What possible reason could there be for it to lapse at the Villain’s convenience?
Damn, if only I had a Skrhybe Vher—…
Erm, no. How about… Tough Guy is in the john , and his unsuspecting Wifey hands the Kid to the Villain in a case of mistaken identity?
‘Cept Wifey is a mind reader, so that unlikelihood would require a whole ’nother explanation.
Okay, the Kid has a TSTL moment and sneaks away for a bit of mischief, serving herself up to the Villain on a silver platter? Unfortunately, I’ve established her as smart, insightful, often the Voice of Reason. She knows better.
Aha! She has AMNESIA!
Or maybe Edan, who has been conspicuously absent since Dropping the Bomb in Chapter One, pops in and Acts Evil for some perfectly explicable reason other than setting up her own story. Except the only person who has more reason to detest the Villain than she does is the Hero, so what could possibly motivate her to do the Villain any favors? Maybe she’s been in cahoots with him all along. Yeah, maybe she liked being sexually assaulted and having her baby stolen and returned to her all soulless and twisted. It could happen.
So this is why authors resort to peeving devices. There’s no way around an intelligent setup other than blatant illogic or the Hand of God, and there’s no drama when everything goes According to Plan.
Do I seriously have to go back and dumb something down to make it easier on the Villain? You must be joking.
Crap. Figures I’d trip and fall and dislocate something when I’m within spitting distance of the finish line. I hate writing when it’s like work.
Screw it. I’ll put a “WTF?!” sticky on it and belly crawl to the end. Maybe something will shake loose in the final stretch.
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