Kerry Allen's Blog

Dec 17 2007

Domineering men: The breakfast of champions

Tag: Writing — Kerry Allen @ 1:00 am

I’ve been compiling my new submission list, gathering all the details I can find into one document so I don’t have to be flitting all over the web looking up whether Agent A, who accepts both snail and e queries, really prefers one or the other, and all that tedious stuff that is so much less fun than writing.

Agent Z was on the “Possible, Needs More Research” list and looked viable… until I got to what he expects from his clients.

Must be willing to change every word in your manuscript if I say so. Um… no. I’m open to editorial suggestions and will implement any I feel improve the product, but at the end of the day, it’s my story. If you hate it so much you want to change every word, why would you even offer to represent it?

I expect my clients to produce four to six books a year. Holy crap. I couldn’t do that even if I didn’t have a day job, a kid and a dog and a house to take care of, and a life apart from BICHOK. Also, I gotta say, unless you’re Nora Roberts or writing exclusively at abbreviated length (category or novellas), I have to question the quality of a story that goes from conception to delivery in two or even three months. I will never believe it wouldn’t benefit from an additional six months of gestation. I realize more product = more money for everybody, but there’s an element of artistry in writing that’s going to suffer from mass production, no matter how good you are.

Must have a flexible schedule so edits can be returned immediately. Dude, now you want me at your beck and call 24/7?

Funny Pictures
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This guy wants an awful lot of control over his clients, who are exclusively romance writers and therefore predominantly female. Ringing any bells? That’s right, he’s the embodiment of the patriarchal domination establishment oppressing women through the innocuous guise of romance novels!

Needless to say, due to our disparate views of what constitutes the ideal (or even minimally tolerable) author-agent relationship, he didn’t make it to the “I Grant You the Opportunity to Participate in the Steel Cage Match to Determine Which of You Lucky Agents Wins the Privilege of Representing Me” list. There is no “Crap, None of the Good Agents Want Me, Time to Beg the Second-Rate Ones” list (because I’m all over “if you can see it, you can be it” in the new year), and even if there was, this guy wouldn’t be on it.

He’ll always have a place of honor on the “Men Who Gave Me the Creeps” list, though.

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