Kerry Allen

di·plo·ma·cy: skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility *

tact: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense; implies delicate and considerate perception of what is appropriate *

cour·te·ous: marked by respect for and consideration of others *

rude: offensive in manner or action; implies ignorance of or indifference to good form; may suggest intentional discourtesy *

If I put my name on a statement, which I always do, rather than hiding behind a nickname or anonymity, it is in my best interest to be diplomatic. The questions I ask myself before committing to a negative comment, in the blogosphere as well as in real life, include:

“Do I feel strongly enough about this subject to potentially offend an audience with my opinion?”

“Is there another way to express my opinion that will come across as less offensive?”

“Is there anything to be gained by expressing an opinion that will potentially alienate an audience? Will I bring anyone around to my way of thinking? Will I receive an obscene amount of money? Will this statement have far-reaching sociopolitical ramifications that will bring about world peace?”

And perhaps most important of all:

“Will alienating this audience have negative consequences for me in the future?”

I recognize the power of words and their lingering effect upon those who hear and read them. I prefer to distribute them with purpose rather than squander them on less-than-worthwhile causes. I compose a great many emails, blog posts, and blog comments in the heat of the moment, which I subsequently delete without sharing because I recognize they are inappropriate.

I would no more visit a blog and insult the blog owner and other guests than I would enter someone’s home and say, “Ew, what is that stink?” It’s a matter of common courtesy, which, sadly, is becoming less common, particularly online.

Some will choose to portray diplomacy, tact, and courtesy as weakness in order to excuse their own lack of civility, whereas the better informed recognize these as traits possessed by those with successful interpersonal relations. It’s much easier to navigate the personal and professional seas when others don’t perceive you as antagonistic and inconsiderate. Presented with two individuals of comparable merit, one of whom has a pleasant demeanor while the other has a perpetually sour disposition, most people will choose to deal with the former.

I have enough to gain, and enough to lose, that I make a conscious effort to be the former.

That does not imply, however, that I cheerfully accept abuse. If you take up my bandwidth to be rude and obnoxious, I feel no further obligation to extend hospitality to you and will block you from commenting further on my blog.

Do feel free to devote as much of your own blog as you wish to your ill opinion of me. Use my name and link to me with abandon, as both contribute to my search engine visibility.

Which leads me to one final question I use to filter my actions:

Am I in any way, directly or indirectly, providing free promotional services for something I hold in low regard?

Now, I’m going to strive to make it to July without feeling compelled again to respond to anyone whose behavioral development ceased in preschool.

* Definitions courtesy of Merriam-Webster Online.