Kerry Allen's Blog

Jun 17 2008

How Blog Stats Plugin Almost Ruined My Life

Tag: Tech status — Kerry Allen @ 6:15 am

Oh, cool. Must activate.

Hell. WTF is my WordPress.com login? This is going to be a PITA, I can tell.

Let me check my Blog Stats.

Yay, it works.

For what possible reason would anyone search for THAT? And it brought them HERE? Am I the only person to ever use those two words in the same post? Not quite what you were looking for, was it? Sorry ’bout that. Side effect of my random rambling. I’ll be more conscious of how I use “boobs” in the future.

Mayonnaise.

:monkeyhysteria:

.

.

I prefer Miracle Whip. On food, not… Oh, never mind.

Let me check my Blog Stats again.

Huh. That’s more traffic than my handful of bosom friends. I really do have lurkers.

Whoa-oh-oh… I always feel like… somebody’s watching me…

If you have that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day, know I’ll be suffering right along with you.

If you’re old enough to remember that song, know I’ll be suffering right along with you.

I should make an effort to be more inviting in order to compel shy visitors to speak up.

But maybe they’re not shy. Maybe they don’t like me and are practicing “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

I should make an effort to be more likable.

I’m at a loss. I’m a WYSIWYG kinda gal.

Maybe being quietly loathed isn’t so bad.

Let me check my Blog Stats again.

:poke:

.

.

Let me hyperventilate.

Let me deactivate this frickin’ thing before morbid curiosity has me refreshing the page every three minutes when I should be doing something more productive.

To anyone at whom I have ever rolled my eyes upon your waxing obsessive about your Amazon rankings, my humblest apologies. I now understand how hypnotic numbers can be. But you can walk away. Be strong. The power is yours.

(Isn’t that a Captain Planet catchphrase? Can somebody please explain to me how he’s supposed to fight pollution when his Kryptonite is… pollution? That show made NO sense to me.)

4 Responses to “How Blog Stats Plugin Almost Ruined My Life”

  1. Trish is SO pretty.
    June 17th, 2008 at 6:39 am

    You’re not WYSIWYG. You’re OMGWTFBBQAKLF.

    Bummer. There are 169,000 results for “boobs mayonnaise.” You need to be more inventive to attract that really twisted Googler.

  2. Kerry Allen is SO pretty.
    June 17th, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Mr. Perfect laughed at me. Said, “It’s the WORLD WIDE web, not a spiral notebook.” I know that, of course, but I’m secure in my station as an infinitessimal, insignificant part of it, so it’s disconcerting to see evidence that out of 150 million or so web sites, even a single person would stumble across mine, even accidentally, much less plug my name into a search engine.

    I can tell myself they’re looking for John Kerry and political dude last name Allen that kept me on the 87th search page for so long, but the imagination persists with “who?” and “why?” and “what are they thinking?”, and that way lies madness.
    :twitch:
    So buh-bye, plugin. Now, to unsee what I have seen…

  3. Gwen Mitchell is SO pretty.
    June 19th, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    I’ll admit it - I’m one of your lurkers, and I DID do a google search for your name, after seeing you finaled for the Golden Heart. So, officially - congrats!

    I came scoping for a new hero. I stayed because you’re frickin’ hillarious.

    :ohnoyudint:

  4. Kerry Allen is SO pretty.
    June 19th, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    Pleased to meet you, Gwen. (Okay, one less person to be paranoid about…)
    :shifty:
    And here I’ve been neglecting the boys. (Imagine them in the background.)
    :butbut: “But… but… we thought you loved us!”

    Big babies. They’ll get some more attention soon, I promise. I’m going through a “restructuring phase” (or, given my previous absence of anything remotely resembling structure, simply a “structuring phase”…), trying to figure out what I’m doing here and what I want to do here.

    And what I want to do elsewhere…
    :schemer:

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