Kerry Allen

IWS: Snip, snip. I confess to a tendency to ramble, and with no word-count restriction, my bloodsucker was getting a little flabby in the middle. I gave myself some guidelines: 7,000-word opening, extra 15,000 words on the straight course for each guy, plus however many words it takes to transition when the course is not so straight. I’m thinking the whole thing will come in at around 50,000, which is why it’s taking so long—doesn’t quite qualify as a “short” story when it’s all accounted for.

Cooties: So. That MSNBC poll about whether you read romance novels and the respondents’ options to be a beach-only reader, appalled at the very notion, or a Fabio-crazed loon offended a whole lot of people with its ill-informed, out-of-date, and condescending nature. I’m mentally defective, so here were my reactions:

1. I kinda wanna work a ripped bodice into everything I write from now on. Not necessarily ripped in the throes of lust (”Bloody hell, my bodice is ripped. Whose brilliant idea was it to hide in the briar patch?”), but ripped nonetheless, and I want to use the word “bodice,” which I personally haven’t seen in a book for years and feel is woefully underused in contemporary fiction. My girls will have to start dressing better, though. I don’t think a T-shirt can rightfully be said to have a bodice.

2. I had a very clear vision of myself approaching one of those “Ew, no, I would never touch one of those books” people and poking her with the clinchiest, mantittiest book I can find and then shrieking, “It touched you! It touched you! Now you have romance cooties!” (My dear friend, Mr. Perfect, had a very clear vision of himself bailing me out of jail because I will so totally do this if presented the opportunity.)

As will come as no surprise to anyone at all familiar with me, I became enchanted by the idea of “romance cooties.” The term reflects a certain youthful, uninhibited enthusiasm while simultaneously mocking those who act like they’ll contract an incurable disease if they come in contact with a certain kind of book.

I want to do something that celebrates romance. Not mock it “with love.” Not talk about authors or publishers or booksellers or other industry business. Not analyze the sociopolitical ramifications of the genre.

Readers. Books. Stuff we like, nothing we don’t. No grading system required because if it’s there, we liked it enough to recommend it, and we’ll tell you why. New releases, old favorites, whatever. All romance novels, all the time.

I ended up with this huge list of things I don’t want to do (and scratching out a comic strip for the site header—”Scramble the Cootie Response Team, STAT!”—as well as subgenre-specific cooties), and I’m still pondering what, exactly, I do want to do. A cover focus—art and blurb that enticed you to take a longer look. Reviews—need a UCF (Universal Cootie Format) to keep them consistent, but I’d take submissions. I’d have to, actually, since I’m so paranormal biased and that hardly encompasses the whole glorious spectrum of romance, which deserves to be represented by readers who love it. Maybe new home for HOTM (ha! already have a UCF for that one) and some heroine love, too. “How I Became Infected with Cooties” stories from readers. (This is not to say you’re banned if you happen to write, but reader hats rather than self-pimpage, feel me?)

Thoughts? Suggestions?

I’m not loving Blogger (where I parked it for the time being, nothing but a description so far) or the free WordPress (where tinkering with the setup isn’t free and none of the standard themes ring my bell), so it will eventually be at its own domain. Putting it off until the concept solidifies a little, though. No point paying for hosting when there’s nothing to host yet.

(If you’re too sophisticated to be affiliated with anything with “Cooties” in the title, this probably isn’t the place for you. We wear our cooties with pride. There will be a web button that proudly proclaims “I HAVE COOTIES!” and for contributors perhaps “I’M A COOTIE!” If cooties really catch on—heh—mugs, hats, tote bags… Cooties everywhere!)

Gah, I have problems…

UPDATE: RomanceCooties.com is now hosted.