Aug 18 2008
Terrible Action Movie Saturday on TNT!
Saturday was Terrible Action Movie Saturday on TNT, and I left it playing all friggin’ day. Here is why.
(Many pictures and a short video below the fold.)
First on the agenda was Aeon Flux. Remeber when the animated version was on MTV a million years ago? It was all edgy and shit. My god, did the live action movie suck. This made it worth watching:
That’s Marton Csokas. He is smexy. Like a substitute Russell Crowe if you’re craving something slightly more cerebral and less thuggish.
Next up was Ultraviolet. My god, did this movie suck. This made it worth watching:
I’ve had a girl crush on Milla Jovovich since The Fifth Element, a movie which did not suck. I sat through a Resident Evil 3-movie marathon for her (and a little bit for Oded Fehr) and would watch RE4 if it gets made. Her action heroine status makes me forgive her for being a model.
Next up was Blade II. My god, did this movie suck. There are no redeeming qualities to this movie. I left it on because I was doing something else and not paying attention, and I knew Blade Trinity would be following it.
It should come as no surprise that Blade Trinity was next (’cause I just said it was going to be). This is a movie which did not suck. There are a number of reasons for that. One is the vampire Pomeranian.
Even more important, however, is Ryan Reynolds.
I had always thought of Ryan Reynolds, “Aww, he’s adorable.” Then I saw this movie, during much of which he is shirtless. Adorable from the neck up. Ripped from the neck down. *drool*
Perhaps even hotter, however:
That’s Parker Posey as Miss Nasty Vampire. Kind of like a goth Bettie Page. She had anger management issues. I would not be surprised if that dead thing around her neck was the last vampire Pomeranian, which she killed with her bare hands after it peed on her shoes.
Jessica Biel was sexy (not putting a picture of her because she gets enough props for being sexy). Proto Vampire of the Leather Pants was sexy (when he wasn’t all mutated) (not putting a picture of him because I couldn’t find a specimen suitably demonstrative of his snazzy dressing). The bloodsucking was, as it should always be in vampire movies, completely unsubtle in its sexuality. The one-liners just wouldn’t stop. All of which redeemed this movie from the curse of Trilogy Suckitis.
I wouldn’t have gotten nearly as much enjoyment from Excellent Romantic Drama Saturday, so thank you, TNT. Let’s do it again soon. I’m compiling a list of Horrible Movie/First-Rate Eye Candy if you need help choosing the lineup.
Anybody else admit to watching terrible movies for all the wrong reasons?
August 18th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Mmm, Marton is definitely smexy. :D I wish he did more movies.
Oded Fehr is also smexy; ditto on the more movies. He was the best part of The Mummy, and that’s saying something. :)
Maybe Marton and Oded could do a movie together some time? How much would that rock? :D
Angie
August 19th, 2008 at 4:02 am
Ooooh. I got a little excited there.
And as further testament to Oded’s awesomeness, while I’ve been known to chase guys with scissors to shear their long, flowing locks of ickiness, I may actually like him better with long hair. *gasp*