Kerry Allen

I’m at Romancing the Blog again today, talking about selling one’s virginity to the highest bidder and revealing how judgmental I am toward romance novel heroines.

And, um… if I’m supposed to be doing something for you, it’s on my agenda for this weekend. I’ve been so behind on everything, I couldn’t get around to it previously. You’ll have my feeble contribution by Sunday night. (Ha! This cleverly covers about four people! I am SO efficient!)

Something about me compels complete strangers to approach me and confide things I wish they’d save for their priest or therapist.

While awaiting my daughter’s release from her daily prison, a woman I have never seen before in my life walked up to me. The first thing out of her mouth was “Are you married?”

Last time someone introduced themselves by asking that question, it was preparatory to a wife-swapping proposition, so I already dreaded the rest of this conversation. Clearly, however, this was one of those pseudo-questions to create the illusion of interest to justify the hours of me-me-me to follow, as I barely got out the “N—” before she launched into an account of her own romantic situation.

For some unfathomable reason, she too is single.

She proceeded to share with me her checklist of qualities the only man good enough for her will possess. “First, of course, he simply MUST love my kids. And my pomeranian. He has to be handsome and tall. Kind, and with a great sense of humor. Never married and no kids of his own because I don’t need his baggage cluttering up my life. Oh, and rich. Like, a doctor or lawyer or a business mogul.”

I responded, “I happen to know that guy.” (He’s a young surgeon, so he’s not rich yet, but give him five or ten years.) “Unfortunately for you,” I added, “he’s not looking for a self-absorbed, social-climbing leech.”

I think she may have been offended. Go figure.

I read something fairly recently that articulated my long-held feeling that a person has to be whole, fully formed, complete, and worthwhile in their own right before they can do justice to The Big Relationship. (Hence my repeated declarations that I’m unfit for human companionship. I freely admit I need a whole lot of work.)

In a nutshell, this article stated people spend years compiling a list of requirements for their perfect mate and give no thought to what they themselves have to offer to another person. They wait years for the man or woman of their dreams, only to discover they don’t measure up to this paragon of virtue’s standards of suitability, so The Big Relationship isn’t going to happen after all. Then they get all bitter and nasty because they were cheated out of the happiness they so richly deserve.

If you want the perfect guy, you’d better be the perfect gal. Start by looking at that list of requirements for the perfect mate and strive to develop them IN YOURSELF. Mr. Perfect isn’t sitting around pining for a busted fragment of a woman to make him whole. He’s a popular guy. He can pick and choose.

If you think you deserve him more than any other woman, you better be the woman HE deserves.

Until then, PLEASE do not expect my sympathy because he hasn’t called. I have none.

MC-1: Hero asked heroine for something in Chapter One. Heroine adamantly refused because she (rightly) doesn’t trust him as far as she can spit. Had “AHA!” moment about how he gets his way, successfully putting him in her vicinity (his Goal B), but man, will it piss her off (obstacle to his Goal C). Still having a lot of fun. Finished Chapter Five in spite of Virtual Villagers 3, the latest Darkyn book, nightly skirmishes over 3 hours of homework, and the Crackly Joints of Doom. Will cover the aforementioned “AHA!” in Chapter Six.

Not Painting Myself into Another Series Corner: After finishing MC-1 and sending it out into the world to see how it fares, rather than working on MC-2 (an exercise in futility if MC-1 fares poorly—learned my lesson there…), I can go back to working on SC-1 (paranormal with what appears to be unused woo-woo element, at least in romance), which could then possibly be ready to send out into the world by the time MC-1 comes limping home (*puts on Pollyanna hat*) meets with glorious success!

I heart Keanu and high-tech remakes of ancient sci-fi movies.

I am also uncharacteristically interested in The Women, even more so after learning no men appear onscreen, even extras, for the duration of the film. I wonder if that looks “off.” I wonder if I’d have noticed their absence if I hadn’t been informed of it in advance.

That is all. Carry on.

I’ll explain later.