Oct 12 2007
RP: Water sports!
I know bathtub sex sound like loads of wet, slippery fun, hence its repeated appearance in romance novels, but let’s pay just a little attention to the mechanics, shall we?
First, the cold, hard, unforgiving surface and narrow confines of the average tub are not particularly conducive to team bathing.
Second, nobody in Romanceland ever has soap scum or mildew in their bathroom. Do they all have that sprayer thingy that cleans the shower every day with the touch of a button? (I really need one of those.)
Third, there ought to be a safety advisory about bathtub vigilance on the cover of every book containing tub woo-hoo (Simmers unite!). When you become distracted from bathtub safety, you slip and hit your head and drown, and then it’s not so fun anymore, is it?
Fourth, hardly anyone ever mentions the water displacement and the subsequent mess on the floor when you plunk an extra person into a tub already filled to the rim. Who cleans that up? And how do they get out of the tub without slipping on the wet floor and suffering an injury? The whole thing sounds very dangerous to me.
But I have to say, in my twenty-something-year span of reading romance novels, this is the first time I have come across this one:
The heroine is soaking in a bubble bath, tub full of water and suds up to her neck. The hero joins her in the tub. The heroine chooses to welcome him with a bit of felatio.
Either she has gills and a fondness for the taste of soap, or he has a 24-inch periscope that rises above the water level.
Either of which really should have been divulged previously in order to save me the squirming when my child demanded to know why mommy was screaming with laughter.
Maybe Bam should have a “realistic tub sex” writing contest.
Winner gets one of those sprayer thingies.
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